Editor’s note: Originally published in 2021. For this article, three houseparents were interviewed about what being a house parent entails and how parents of students can support their child’s house and their extended school family. Thank you to Michael Oliveira, Sarah Schreck, and Tünde Schuschke.

Sarah

Our main task as house parents is to provide a therapeutic environment for our students where they can thrive and be well. We do our best to meet both their physical and emotional needs. We find them activities, tasks, and chores that they can succeed in, but that also challenges them so they can strive in their development.

Houseparents also must regularly connect with teachers and therapists so that the house can support their activities and vice versa. It is also essential to report if a student is having a difficult day either at school or home so that the teacher or houseparent can be ready to receive the student and support whatever may be happening. 

As a houseparent, I also must guide, instruct, and be a role model to the helpers in my house. Whether they are resident volunteers or commuting employees, I must show them how to interact and care for the students, one another, and our shared home. Team building is essential. We must know that we can trust one another and that everyone can be their real, true self. They must know that they are not a bad person if they have a bad day. We are all human beings. When someone is ill or has a day off houseparents must make sure that every aspects of the home’s needs are covered in a safe and manageable way. When you do not have enough people, the ones you do have get burned out. In contrast, too many people could mean that someone is not feeling as if they have a meaningful role to play.

I like to make sure that every student is individually engaged with an adult house team member one on one on a regular basis. That could be reading, taking a walk, playing a game, or calling home. Every student needs to be seen and heard. It is good for the staff, as well, so they can truly get to know the students.

Being a houseparent is my profession, but this is also my home. I am very careful that all the parents of my students know that, unless it is an emergency, I will not respond to texts, emails, or calls on my day off. I also won’t respond immediately if I am with the students or in a meeting. Because my professional life and home life are blurred, these boundaries are very important. All of the students’ parents are very respectful of this and I am grateful. 

It is important that everyone is included and that parents are a part of our house community. This is done by communication as well as engaging parents in the house goings on and updating them on the progress of their child.

Something that I would like for our parents to know is, trust that we mean well and do what is best in our abilities to care for their child. It is a huge step for parents to place their child as a boarding student and entrust them in our care. That does not go unrecognized. Once parents know this is the right place for their child, they should trust that feeling. You will hear doubts from family, friends, and even yourself, but if you feel it is best, know that it is what your child needs and that your decision is the right one for your child and your family.

Michael

Being a houseparent is more than just being a house manager, it is being a parent to the children and the house community. We make sure the environment is taken care of for everyone’s health and safety but we also make sure that everyone is being emotionally cared for – the children and adults alike – so that each of us can thrive.

There is also the paperwork required by the school, governments, and school districts. We train resident and commuting staff, track house finances, communicate with parents, hold team meetings, collect data for IEPS, give medications, and plan nutritious meals. 

Being head of a house with twenty people, you get to know everyone and their personalities and needs. This helps when you do even seemingly simple things, like where everyone should sit at the lunch or supper table.

It is important that parents are honest with us about their children and their needs so that we can best care for and support them and their child. There is always an open stream of communication between the house and parents with parents being respectful of the hour, our days off, and our restorative vacation times.

It also is hugely helpful for parents to trust in our process and help it along by incorporating what we do into their child’s life when they are home. Engaging with the house community is essential to understand and see the progress their child is making. It is a partnership and the parents are as much a part of our extended family living as their child is. 

Tünde

My task as a houseparent is to open our doors to resident volunteers and students and let them grow and develop and then go out into the world and take that growth into their futures. I learn so much from them and they each bring something different to our house community. They give back and are grateful for their experience. 

I was fortunate that I had established myself solidly as a houseparent well before I had my children, Leon (12) and Julian (7). Having your own children and being a houseparent is eye-opening because you have to place more trust and responsibility in your resident volunteers. My focus shifted to how I train and care for the volunteers in my house. I make sure that their strengths can come through all while making sure they are healthy, physically and emotionally. While it was a struggle at first to give up control, it helped me become better at delegating and made me realize there is more than one way to do something. They should have the freedom to come up with their own way. 

Now that my boys are a bit older and establishing their independence, it is a bit easier. Andreas, my husband, and I have come up with a schedule so that we can spend meaningful time with Julian and Leon. After they come home from school one of us to spends time with them playing or doing homework while the other supports the house and after dinner we switch. We have to prioritize our own children while still ensuring that the students and volunteers we are responsible for are safe and well-cared for. Having “staff kids” as they are called here in the house is wonderful. Julian and Leon engage and with the students and they learn from each other. They truly become like their siblings. 

Last year, we had a very small group to run the house, just three volunteers. While we all were very busy, with fewer of us we really got to know one another. We had the opportunity to have conversations and made sure everyone’s needs were met and that no one was struggling. Our house had to quarantine during last year due to a positive COVID test. It was a difficult time but our students’ families would drop off take-out or special treats at our door or sent gift cards so we could order out for a meal. It was lovely to know that they cared and were making us feel loved as we all hunkered down.

This year, we again only have three resident volunteers with us, but we are hoping to get more. All of them are part of the Camphill Academy so they have class in addition to days off and on-call days. This year we have a younger group of students and it is much different and more hands-on then our typical high school group. That is made even more difficult with our continued staff shortages this year. We are fortunate to have a direct care employee who has been wonderful. Even though she commutes back and forth, she is really part of our house just as much as those of us that live here. I think this is a role we need to cultivate in the future as the potential of getting resident volunteers becomes more challenging. 

We also love having volunteers from the local community, like parents and other friends, come in once a week to cook lunch. It makes a huge difference, allowing me, Andreas, and our resident volunteers to take care of other necessary tasks to keep the house and our extended family healthy and strong. Having someone who would be willing to come and do laundry or iron napkins would be terrific, too!